The Journey Out
The Journey Out Podcast is a podcast designed to be the helping hand for everyday people who are on their Exodus Journey!
You were designed for a purpose and many times, just like Moses, we need a burning bush or sign from God that it is time to leave, or journey out, from what we are used to, to be propelled to where we are called to be.
Join us for engaging, informative and resourceful conversation ranging from healthcare to entrepreneurship to family values.
The Journey Out
Conversation w| Veronica Shanklin: Navigating Family Caregiving with Courage and Heart
What if the challenges of caregiving could transform you into a beacon of support and resilience? Join us as we welcome the remarkable Veronica Shanklin, founder of Dementia Care Warriors, who courageously shares her poignant journey of caring for her grandmother and mother, both touched by Alzheimer's and dementia. Veronica takes us into the heart of her experience, revealing the emotional and logistical hurdles she faced while transitioning from an independent life in Chicago to becoming a full-time family caregiver. She speaks candidly about the heavy toll of exhaustion, frustration, and isolation, as well as the financial burdens and feelings of resentment that arose from a lack of familial support.
Prepare to be inspired as Veronica unfolds the story behind Dementia Care Warriors, her nonprofit dedicated to uplifting caregivers through innovative support channels. From the lively support group happy hours to the energizing Revive Refresh caregiver conference, she highlights the importance of finding community and joy amidst the caregiving journey. Veronica underscores the necessity of accessing resources during Family Caregiving Month and invites you to explore DementiaCareWarriors.org for further guidance. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of the unwavering love and dedication required in caregiving, and discover the wealth of resources available to empower those navigating similar paths.
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Hello everyone and welcome to the Journey Out podcast, where we were designed to be the helping hand for everyday people who are on their Exodus journey. I am one of your hosts, brie.
Speaker 2:And I'm Antoine.
Speaker 1:And, as you can see, we have a very special guest sitting in between us. So we know that November is a month filled with important national holidays, in particular, national Family Caregivers Month and National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month. So today we wanted to invite a very special guest who was a caregiver to her grandmother and now a caregiver for her mom who lives with dementia, and how that propelled her into her starting her nonprofit geared to bringing assistance and resources to family caregivers caring for someone living with Alzheimer's and related dementias. So let's hop right on in what is home care.
Speaker 1:How do I navigate health care?
Speaker 2:What do I do when I feel down and depressed?
Speaker 1:I'm stressed. Am I enough? What can I do? What is this going to cost? So we have Miss Veronica Shanklin. I call her the family caregiver extraordinaire and founder of Dementia Care Warriors. So tell us a little bit about yourself and tell us about family caregiver extraordinaire-ing, you know.
Speaker 3:So I am Veronica Shanklin and I am a full-time caregiver for my mom. I was a full-time caregiver for my grandmother and how that all started was over 10 years ago. I was living in Chicago, I was a single bachelorette living my best life. I had a corporate job and everything was great. But back home my mom was taking care of my grandmother and she was kind of struggling to take care of my grandmother who had Alzheimer's disease. Long story short, eventually there was an incident with my grandmother and my grandmother ended up in the hospital. She got kind of combative with my mom and another family member ended up in the hospital. She got kind of combative with my mom and another family member ended up in the hospital and I ended up flying down to try to help bring some stability to the situation and that's pretty much the beginning of my caregiving journey. Oh, wow. And so that was again like around 11 years ago.
Speaker 1:With that. What is so cool with what you just said? You said your mom was caregiving for, was that her mom? Wow, and so now she's in the state where she needs you to care for her, right, and that's just amazing in and of itself. Like you know, if your mom was in a space where she understood, you know she knows what you're going through, even with her not being in the state to understand that, and I think that's that's totally cool. So, with that, care for your mom, your grandmother, what kind of How's your caregiving journey? How has it been? Kind of talk to me a little bit about what a day in a life looks like for a caregiver.
Speaker 3:OK. So I do want to say I moved home to help my mom with my grandmother and then, a year later, my mom was diagnosed. So then I cared for both of them.
Speaker 2:And I know you kind of went and asked a question. But you was a bachelorette, you had your own. I guess life that you was on a journey on right. And this changed your life Right, so continue.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 3:so a year later my mom was diagnosed, so then I had both of them at the same time and so us in charge of doctor's appointments and when I moved home, their diets were not very good, very high blood pressure and swollen ankles and all that kind of stuff. So I came in and kind of fixed the diet and just kind of brought some stability to the situation. And so for the next four years I took care of my mom and my grandmother at the same time my grandmother passed in 2017. Um and a day in the life of a family caregiver. I talked to a lot of caregivers, a lot of caregivers, and it's all different. You know, as we know, right For me, for my mom just my mom right now, it involves every day.
Speaker 3:I'm helping her. I get her up, I get her dressed, I comb her hair, brush her teeth, get her breakfast, get her meals for the day, get her meds Everything you know it's called the activities of daily living Right Is what they call it in the industry and so I help her with all those things.
Speaker 2:So tell me this With helping her with all those things, I'm going to ask the question that probably a lot of people won't understand but why, why did you continue to help your mother and your grandmother when, hey, you could have been living your own life?
Speaker 3:It's a very good question. You know, it was just for me it was second nature. It was if not me, then who Right?
Speaker 1:You know and they took care of me.
Speaker 3:Right, you know, I mean took care of me.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean, I had a great childhood, Right, I wanted for very little, you know, and so they took care of me, and so now is my time to take care of them.
Speaker 1:I love that, and so that's not easy. Again, like you said, you had your own life in Chicago. You were doing your own thing. Kind of what emotions as a family caregiver do you deal with on a day-to-day basis? And then let's just be honest, we know it's hard, so don't hold back, you can give it to us, even though you make it look easy, listen we've known Veronica for a long time. She does, she makes it look so easy.
Speaker 3:So emotions, I would say let's see exhaustion um, frustration, um isolation, Um and you know, honestly, I don't want to be honest some level of resentment, yes, Because resentment with other family members who don't step in, and resentment also because, mother, why did you not set yourself up to be taken care of? You know, in this time of your life, financially Right, or maybe there was insurance you could have gotten, you know, or all of those things to where it all falls on me, right.
Speaker 2:So I hear a lot of it's a lot of emotions in there right. A lot of different thoughts. How do you deal with those in taking care of your loved one and also maintaining your emotions in those situations?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, what is your go-to?
Speaker 3:I would say therapy, okay. Okay. That is sometimes frowned upon in our community. I highly recommend getting a good therapist to talk through these emotions. Right, you know. And also you know self-care, taking breaks and being intentional. It's something I preach all the time to caregivers is being intentional about taking breaks, taking care of yourself, because it's not going to be easy, you know, and even dealing with this it's an ongoing journey. So even you know, today is a good day, tomorrow might be a bad day, right, you know. And understanding that that's just a part of the journey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then and then to, it's the, it's like the little thing. So you talked about like getting her up, getting addressed and things like that. Most of the most of those emotions you're feeling in those little acts of doing hey, mom, let's put this shirt on or let's put these pants on, and we got to go to the doctor, but there is something on that table that is getting her attention and she has to touch it. Right, it's those, it's those little things, and so kind of talk to us a little bit about how do you navigate through those type of situations.
Speaker 3:For me, you have to understand, sometimes it's okay to walk away Because one of our big things challenges right now and it's interesting because sometimes I'm so well-versed, you know, as far as education, and so I know some things to expect, right. So I remember previously we didn't have issues with shower time, right, right, she was fine, she'd be getting a shower. You know, I hear about other people who have a loved one who literally hasn't bathed in weeks because they can't get them to bathe and we weren't having those issues.
Speaker 3:But now it's harder to get her into the shower because I don't want to and I'm like, okay, well, you need to. You know, kind of going back and forth and sometimes understanding that if I'm not in the mood and she's not in the mood, nothing is working we're going to take a step back.
Speaker 3:I'll be back and leave you here. You know what I mean. Try again later. Try again the next day but being okay with knowing that sometimes it's okay to step back. And someone once told me you will never win an argument with a person with Alzheimer's.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's important to remember because they're not Feelings get involved, right Feelings get involved. This is your mom, and hey look, there's a million things that we have to do today, but also, at the same time, their world is a lot different from ours, where it's black and white here, it's pink and purple over there, and so we have to understand that, and so I think that's super important that you say that.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, and so we done, went down into the journey of a day in the life of a caregiver, right? So when did you realize that, hey, I need to learn more about this disease or I need resources to help me?
Speaker 3:Right, you know honestly from the beginning. Okay, because I'm a resource person anyway. So, like I said, I moved back to Dallas. I'm at home with my mom and my grandmother I'm not working, you know, at this time and I'm just home and I'm like I'm online searching, trying to find resources. Time and I'm just home and I'm like I'm online searching, trying to find resources. I actually ended up going to the Alzheimer's Association, doing a care consultation with them, with one of their volunteers, and then getting more involved with the Alzheimer's Association and finding resources, you know, here and there, but a lot of it was searching online and not finding much you know, and then a lot of the resources that I did find came from being out in the community and networking and talking to other people.
Speaker 1:So like what you found, so like those little roadblocks like that, where you're searching, you can't find much. Why do you think that is? Why do you think, when we're looking for these resources, we can't find them or they're not as easily accessible for families?
Speaker 3:I will say that was 10 years ago. It has gotten better. I will say that there are a lot more blogs and organizations like mine out here who are trying to do the work to help caregivers. But I think it's just a process. You know. It grows over time. As more people become aware of the disease, more people are willing to offer resources. As organizations with resources and money become aware of how important this is, they start to offer more resources, Right, you know. So I mean, I think over time it's slowly getting better, Right. And then also there's a lot of stigma, you know, around the disease and a lot of denial, you know from people who are caregivers don't realize they're caregivers.
Speaker 3:You know, around the disease and a lot of denial you know from people who are caregivers don't realize they're caregivers. You know, and don't just that D word.
Speaker 1:No that's not that, In no way. Yes, yeah, absolutely. And so those resources how important do you think it is for them to be able to access those resources but also have like a village and a support system like around you as you kind of navigate family caregiving as a whole?
Speaker 3:Very important. I think those are the two things that a caregiver really needs is community and education, and even though I've been on this journey for 10 years I've taken all kinds of classes, I have certifications I still sit in on trainings or classes and learn things.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I'm like the world.
Speaker 2:The community dementia caregivers need to know this information because it will make your journey just a little bit easier and I want to ask about this, and I want to ask about this the conversation with the doctor when you learned about that diagnosis. What happened during that time? How did you feel?
Speaker 3:Well, for my mom it was so cut and dry, it was so not very helpful it was so I promise y'all. I walked out of that appointment when she got her diagnosis and said I should have been a neurologist. I was like because if that's all we get, and that's all he's going to, do.
Speaker 2:I was like I can do that, even though clearly I know there's more to neurology than that.
Speaker 3:But just based on that experience, I was like he's like all right, come back in. Maybe I don't know if it was three months or six months. Yeah, it was like you know, come back, and you know what. It's interesting because I had a conversation. We switched. We switched doctors after that because I just didn't feel you know helpful.
Speaker 1:But, eventually.
Speaker 3:I had a conversation with a neurologist one time and I said how does it feel to know that there's not really much you can do? You know, I mean with this disease like the comeback in six months is pretty standard, right, but you can also say there are resources to help.
Speaker 2:That's what I was going to ask, what you wanted to hear.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I want you to give me some resources. I want you to tell me this is not. You know the end. Right, right, because even in those early, days, my mom and I, we still traveled, we still went to concerts, we still did events. People feel like you get this diagnosis and it's the end. Go sit in a chair in the back room somewhere.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Right, and that's definitely not the case.
Speaker 2:Right, wow, so tell me you was part of a film Refresh my memory on that film real quick.
Speaker 3:I was a part of a film called Wine, Women and Dementia. Yes, it was nice and it's one of those blogs that I found when I was doing my research and her writing was so amazing and it was just so real and I ended up reaching out to her, complimenting her, you know, on her writing, reposted one of her posts and we kind of became friends and started communicating. Then, when her mom passed, she decided she wanted to do a documentary and go around the country and talk to caregivers that she met on her journey and I was one of those caregivers. So that is it was. It was an amazing experience.
Speaker 1:I mean in that film, that film really it kind of changed even my thought process. I mean we go through this every day. We've been doing this eight years. You know we had the time with my great grandmother that we had and just seeing it from different perspectives from everybody and kind of in the film, even with Kitty and kind of what she went through. It's just phenomenal what family caregivers do as a whole and I'm glad that she was able to highlight and celebrate that at the same time, and in that it helped me learn that it's okay to not feel okay.
Speaker 2:It's okay to be angry about the situation, it's okay to feel how you feel, but in the same time, hey, there's resources out there and because of the person that you love, you're taken care of. Hey, you just get back up the next day and put your pants on one leg at a time and go.
Speaker 3:One way that Kitty and I connected was because we were both like you got to find some laughter some joy something in this journey it cannot be all dark and terrible, and it's interesting because when I first started this journey, all the blogs that I saw were very sad and very dark.
Speaker 1:you know et cetera.
Speaker 3:And I'm just coming into it like, oh okay, you know I'm not going to be like that, we're not going to find. And I will say 10 years later, I get it. I get why everything is so dark, but you have to be intentional about finding moments of joy, exactly.
Speaker 1:Because it's tough and then if you just kind of stay in the dark, you're never going to get through it. So with that, with the resources, you said, hey, I want to bring extra resources and supports to family caregivers, just like ourselves, and you started Dementia Care Warriors, which is a 501c3 nonprofit organization. Tell us more about that.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:So again I was volunteering with the Alzheimer's Association and coming across all of these resources that I didn't see the caregivers in my community having access to or knowledge of. So I kind of started just being this resource for my friends or, you know, other people who I knew who were on this journey, and I started a support group and so it started with support group happy hour because, again, you know, we don't I've been to enough support groups that were very yeah.
Speaker 3:So we started support group happy hour and we would meet at a Mexican restaurant once a month and over tacos and margaritas, vent, lean on each other, share resources and the things that go on with support groups, but just in a more laid back you know, environment. So we started with the support groups, and that was in 2019. And that was in 2019. I also before I had Dementia Care Warriors or before I had the 501c3, did an event with the Alzheimer's Association at my church.
Speaker 3:So we did like a conference for African-American caregivers at my church and eventually got the 501c3. And again, that was 2019, right before the pandemic.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:So one of the things that I wanted to do was a caregiver conference, and so I came up with Revive Refresh.
Speaker 3:Yes, revive, refresh and the first Revive Refresh was going to be in March 2020. And, of course, march 2020 came, but Revive Refresh was going to be a day to pour into dementia family, caregivers and for caregivers, by caregivers, and all of the things that I felt like caregivers would want out of a conference and not your typical caregiver conference. So, live DJ, catered brunch, because no box lunches, a vendor resource, fair, amazing speakers and volunteers who love on caregivers.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So that was the plan for Revive, refresh and Revive.
Speaker 1:Refresh is awesome yeah, I mean she, she, she have massages going on and she man, you be having the whole nine. So what with Revive? Refresh, like you said, it's the poor. On family caregivers, but what do you want them to take away from when they leave that moment and they leave that meeting, that gathering? What do you want them to take away from that?
Speaker 3:I want them to take away knowing that they're not alone, right. I want them to take away the education that they receive from the amazing speakers that we had. This year we had breakout sessions and we had keynote speakers, and so all the things that you learn from them.
Speaker 3:I want you to take with you and just to know that somebody out here cares, right, because this is a very isolating role. Yeah, you know that we're in and you also find that it's hard. It's hard sometimes to talk to people who have not been here, right? You know like if I tell you that my mom did something strange. For lack of a better word. Right Another caregiver is likely to understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I had a caregiver tell me that she was telling a friend that her husband was doing something and the friend was like oh girl, I do that too. You know, it's like it's not the same.
Speaker 1:Right, right. Yeah, I think also, too, that could be. We deal with a lot of families and one of the big things that they say a lot of times is he's just doing that because that's how he was back in the day. And that happens a lot, and that's kind of where that frustration or that isolation kind of comes from, because we remember who they were prior to that disease and then when they start bringing in those older parts of them, that kind of seeps through. You're like oh no, I know she's just playing or he's just playing, and so kind of being able to kind of understand that and kind of combat that. So that's great that you said that.
Speaker 2:So what I want you to do now is tell us what's next with Dementia Care Warriors.
Speaker 3:What do?
Speaker 2:you have going on next.
Speaker 3:So what's next with Dementia Care Warriors? So first, dementia Care Warriors. Our mission is to provide resources and support to dementia family caregivers. And we do this through a respite scholarship program. We do this community education, we do a monthly support group meeting and we are forming a wonderful community of dementia family caregivers. And so next month coming up is National Family Caregiver Month, and that's a huge month for us at Dementia Care Warriors. It's also our birthday month, and so we do a lot for National Family Caregiver Month, starting with Faces of Care Warriors.
Speaker 2:Yes, Faces of Care Warriors. Yes, give us the deets, hold on. So, faces of Care Warriors is when.
Speaker 3:Nope, the first event is November 1st.
Speaker 2:Tell me about it, okay.
Speaker 3:So Faces of Care Warriors. We do a professional photo shoot with caregivers and their loved ones, and so this is our second year doing it and we actually bring them out to a photo studio with a photographer. They get dressed up, they come and we treat them like stars, and so then we have these beautiful photos and images that are part of this photo exhibit. So November 1st is the night that we unveil this second installment of the Faces of Care Warriors photo exhibit. So November 1st is the night that we unveil this second installment of the Faces of Care Warriors photo exhibit. It's also our annual fundraiser for Dementia Care Warriors and it's kind of a cocktail style reception that we invite the community out to help us honor and celebrate these caregivers, to honor some community partners and just have a good time and, you know, come and celebrate, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Now she's always just being so humble, but y'all had to see what she did last year. Yes, it was beautiful.
Speaker 3:It was amazing.
Speaker 2:The pictures, that was taken at the studio was beautiful. Everything that you put. You go 100% all the time you do.
Speaker 1:She goes 100% every time, and so you really don't want to miss that, because I think just the emotions that those portraits evoked, when you were able to see them they were in black and white, you know so you were actually just being able to see them and their loved one who was dealing with dementia, and it's just it really brought tears to our eyes because we were like a lot of these families when was the last time they were able to even take a photo, or you know all those different things? So I thought it's just amazing and so y'all don't want to miss that. What time will it be? On the 1st.
Speaker 3:So November 1st at 630 at Urban Arts Center. And they can visit our website for more information. Can I talk about the other part?
Speaker 2:Yeah, go ahead, Go ahead talk.
Speaker 3:So there's that November 1st kickoff, and then it's a photo exhibit that travels, and so it will also be at Dallas Public Libraries during the month of November at the White Rock Branch and the Polk Wisdom Branch during the month of November, and then again. All of this ties together, so we have an education event at the library. We're also doing a yoga reset event for caregivers for dementia family caregivers in November. That'll be yoga and sound meditation, DIY essential oils. So it's just a huge month for us for dementia family caregivers.
Speaker 1:So where can they find, like all the events that you just talked about? Where can they find all of that and get all the resources that they can so they can come to those events?
Speaker 3:So you can find all this information on our website at DementiaCareWarriorsorg. Make sure you visit the website and you join our email list so you can stay in the loop of all the amazing things we have coming up for November and just moving forward in the future, and also follow us on social media, on Instagram and Facebook at Care Warriors.
Speaker 1:Well, veronica, I thank you so much for being here with us today and just giving us a little insight into family caregiving. Especially with this being Family Caregiving Month, we want to make sure that they have all the resources needed. So, to gather all of what we talked about today, please click the link in our bio taking you over to our podcast website to be able to download everything we discussed today transcribed just for you, under the transcript tab. Also, please go to DementiaCareWarriorsorg so that way you can get all the information that she was discussing today, as well as get all the event information, because that's super important. You don't want to miss those.
Speaker 1:If you enjoyed what you've heard today and would like to hear more, please subscribe and follow us on YouTube at the Journey Out, and as well as follow us on all podcast platforms. On our podcast website, you can support the Journey Out podcast with a monthly donation of your choosing, helping us to continue to provide these episodes every week. Your contribution is more than appreciated and we thank you. And with that, that's a wrap on today's episode of the Journey Out. We pray that the things discussed today have been a helping hand for you and the ones you hold close, positively, bringing you out of one season to the next, starting your Exodus journey, and I thank you, ms Shanklin, for coming on.
Speaker 2:And I hope the knowledge that you guys got from this podcast help you grow Self-improvement right and you become a resource for your family and also your community.
Speaker 1:All right, we're out, see you.
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